Your baby’s arrival is not just anticipated by you but by your friends and family. They are eager to meet the new arrival. However, as parents, you are often overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and maybe not so eager to be playing host. Here are some tips to help everyone enjoy these first visits.
Plan Ahead – Before your baby arrives think through how you’d like these first visits to go. Be realistic about how your new family wants to invite visitors including how soon after your baby’s arrival you’ll be ready to welcome visits. Let your friends and family know your visiting plan well in advance of your baby’s arrival. Some parents choose to provide some instructions to prospective visitors on social media or in personal communications. This might include visiting hours, the length of visit or other details. Remember your loved ones can’t read your mind about how you want to introduce your little one to them.
Set Expectations – It’s absolutely OK to set expectations about when you’ll receive visitors which also include the how long they stay. After all, this is your baby and your family, you set the rules. Communicate in advance to family and friends about the visiting guidelines you’ve developed so they aren’t surprised or hurt by decisions that you’ve made. Newborns haven’t yet developed strong immune systems and are vulnerable to illness so making it clear that those who are under-the-weather should wait until they are completely well to visit.
Suggest Alternatives – Consider providing alternative visits through video calls. This allows those relatives or friends who live a distance to meet your baby virtually and visit with you. Set up times when these calls are welcome and let them know how long you will spend with them. This is an alternative for anyone who is not well enough to meet the baby in person.
Ask for Help – Often new parents feel they need to host visitors, but most visitors would welcome the opportunity of being of service to you. They will often offer to do something for you. Let them know how they can help or better yet ask for it up front. If they can bring you food, run an errand, or provide you with something specific make sure they know that so they can bring that to you upon arrival. Not only will they enjoy the visit, but you’ll receive loving support from those that care most for your family.
Holding the Baby – Just like your visiting plan, you need to know how you’ll handle visitors holding your new baby well in advance. How you communicate this to your friends and family can make this a good experience for everyone. Be clear about hand washing or other expectations. Many visitors will appreciate having you provide them with this information as they may have little or no previous experience with babies. If you prefer that visitors not hold your baby, that’s perfectly acceptable. A simple statement about your preference should suffice. Again, informing visitors about this in advance will prevent hurt feelings.
Challenging Visitors – It might be a grandparent or close family member or dear friend, but there is sure to be one (or maybe more) who want to instruct you about the care of your baby and/or parenting. We all have people in our lives who we seek advice and support, so we welcome their input. Conversely, there are those who feel the need to instruct regardless if they’ve been invited to do so or may be unaware their suggestions feel like interference to you. Again, thinking about his prior to your baby’s birth will help you and your family prepare. Identifying those who believe might be challenging, practicing scenarios or having set responses ready will help you feel prepared. Sometimes these individuals only need acknowledgment that they’ve been heard. It’s always your choice to take advice or consider advice from others. This is your baby and your family, you manage and care for them as you see fit.
Be Honest – If you or your baby or another member of your family is not up for a visit, even if you’ve scheduled it, let your visitors know. Parents are often overtired and overwhelmed. It’s totally fine to simply let people know that you want to reschedule their visit. You can provide a simple straightforward explanation if you want, but don’t feel pressured to give more details than you are comfortable providing. If you are having a rough day, consider that this visitor might be some relief to you. They could help around the house, run an errand or do some cooking for you during their visit. Maybe this is someone you have complete confidence in to care for your baby while you have a rest, take a shower or run an errand. It all leads back to clear communication and providing expectations.
Visitors can bring comfort and support as they share the joy and delight of your new baby with you. Having a plan that works best for you, your family, and your baby before that first visit is the key to enjoying every experience.
