You are so excited to be adding to your family. You should be, it’s an exciting time. However, you can’t be sure that your older child or children are feeling the same. In fact, they probably aren’t really sure what they should be excited about. You remember that big life change, the shift in everything when you had your first baby? Sure you do. Now think of how your child is going to need to adjust to their new baby sister or brother. Getting yourself ready to help them through this transition will be beneficial to the whole family.
Before the Baby Comes
Reading – Select stories about new siblings for reading time. Use these books to engage in conversations about what to expect with their brother or sister arrives.
Talk to the Belly – Encourage children to talk and sing to baby. You could explain that the baby can hear all of you. Reading, music, singing, storytelling can now take on new meaning including the baby in the mix.
Share Their Birth Story – Talk about the joys and excitement when they were anticipated. How you prepared for them. Share photos of them as an infant. Knowing their own history can help them to welcome the new arrival. This is also a good time to prepare them for the fact that you will be going to the hospital or whatever birthing plans you have. Talk about where they will be and who will care for them while you are away. Let them ask questions if they have some so you can respond to what’s on their mind.
When Baby Arrives
Use Tech – While at the hospital you can stay connected with your child by calling or video chatting whenever possible. This is often particularly helpful through bedtime or other routines where you’ll be missed. If they are coming to the hospital to meet the baby and visit you talk about this time in advance so they are prepared. Remember they’ll need some activities to do during this visit.
Gifts – It’s natural for the newborn to be getting gifts from friends and family. You can help your child through this by including them with gifts too. If you can suggest that to friends and family – great – if not, you can have a few items on hand to give them so they are feeling good. Also, having your child choose something special for the baby that’s from them can be a nice bonding experience.
Little Helpful Hands – Whenever possible encourage your child to help with caring for baby. Including them in the care of their sibling continues to motivate bonding. Make it fun and be thankful for their help. Don’t push them into helping but invite them to participate and include them whenever you can.
A New Normal – As much as possible you want to stick with their normal routine while navigating your baby’s needs. This might mean having others pitch in to help that happen. You want to avoid having your child associate the end of everything fun they used to do with the birth of their sibling.
Nix Complaining – Your child is listening and watching you. If they hear you complaining that you are too tired because the baby kept you up then they may associate the baby as the enemy. Instead speak positively about your newborn and they will think positively about them. It’s okay to simply say “I feel too tired today to play chase. Can we choose something else?” They don’t need to know the reason behind your tiredness.
Spend Time as a Family – Plan on doing things as a family unit. Everyone together enjoying outings and activities becomes the new normal. Spend time at home together and develop routines that include everyone.
Talk It Up – You talked about the baby before they arrived and no doubt, you talk about the baby a lot during your normal day, but also talk about your child to the baby. This is a great time to provide your child with positive feedback as you tell your baby all the great things about their sibling. Then let your child chat with the baby as well.
Special Time – Each child deserves some special time – a time to spend without baby in tow, a time to choose an activity or outing or game. It’s their one-on-one time with mom or dad. Everyone deserves some special time.
Behavior ID – There’s a lot going on for your child having a new sibling. While you need to maintain boundaries, you also need to be understanding. There is just so much to process and sort out. Talk them through it, encourage them, but also do them the favor of upholding limits you’ve already established.
